Life is to be lived, not passed.

In my older post, entitled 'Who and what am I?', I realized that I have noticed more negative things about me than the positive quality, but don't worry. I'm not gonna brag and list out my good qualities here, so you can sit back and relax. :)

Anyway, what I meant to tell you is that no matter how unappealing looks I have, I am still loving my life! Although my life now is going pretty slow in everything, I'm feeling very grateful that I'm still breathing at this very second. I'm still currently unemployed, overweight, single, had poor college academic achievements, un-glorified past life reputation and God knows how many more un-great things I have now and then. Though, I still appreciate every single beat of my heart and breaths that I took.


Ok, if you are wondering what I'm doing now to avoid myself from turning into a complete red-neck jobless bitch, here's what I've been doing for almost 3 months now. Everyday I woke up, took a shower, sit in front of this wide-screen monitor and surf things, ps2, astro, cooking, baking, painting, exercising, fooling around and many other things that an unemployed does to avoid boredom. I won't deny that every single day I wake up a jobless, I'm so worried and anxious to know what's gonna happen next. Am I gonna remain jobless for years? Is it because of my weight I don't get any job offers? These thoughts really driving me crazy!

I've received a total of 19 phone calls for interviews from the peninsula and Sarawak for the past 2 months, and only about 9 interview calls from within Sabah, which 4 of them I attended and 1 to be attend the day after tomorrow. I turned down 3 of the position offers for some reasons after several thinking and considering for days, and 1 is still in pending status. By record, I never really possess working experiences although I have been involved into various "internship" in my whole life.

I once face an interviewer representative who said this to me, "No matter how active you were in schools and college, it wouldn't matter if you don't have the working experiences. In other word, you are screwed. We don't need SPM qualification candidate who knows nothing for this post" For the record, the interviewer said this in the interview session for a post that is open for "Degree FRESH GRADUATE are encourage to apply, experiences not required".

What SPM graduate would apply for Quality Control Supervisor post that clearly states BSc Degree as minimum qualification? What kind of boss sent over a 20 year old (6months clerk) interviewer representative to conduct interview for such post? I was witnessing the poor management flow in that company spreading it's bad reputation and impression on me. I'm way better for this, so I came clean and left. Not that I'm being stupidly over confident on myself, but I deserve to work in a better company. "Better company" here I mean, a good organization under highly intellect managers/executives/directors. That interviewer should thank me for touching-up his critical English for this post.

I'm getting phone calls from numerous prestigious companies so I didn't feel bad for what I did and said in that unworthy interview. Sadly most of the calls aren't those I expected or hope for, but I'm sure something better is in store for me. So I choose to wait. Aii, I didn't mean to brag about that one bad interview.. back on track!

Anyway, like everybody else, at this point I think I know enough about life already. I may say so because I've faced the toughest failure, toughest deal, toughest journey and many more. But when I look at it now and compare my life journey to my friends and families, what I have now are far less interesting nor exciting. In fact I'm not even qualified to brag about my life to anyone else. I'm just 24, and if I'm about to die at the golden age, that means I'll have at least 60 more years to live and learn, and who knows how many more things I'll learn along my life path? 24 years and I know so much already! Wow! I sure don't wanna miss the rest of the 60 years! :D

Problems come and go. There were times when I was in deep stress, maximum anxiety peak, tremendously happy, blissfully in love, emotionless, unconsciously intoxicated, extremely replete, extremely hungry, ear-smokin angry, total douche @ bitch, proud and so many more. But you know what? They passed just like the time. It only happened that time and it never re-occurred exactly the way it was on the first time. Although the new experience might be more awesome from the first one, the 1st experience will always remain as 1st damp-breaking experience.

My point is, if you fall at the lowest ground in your life, hang on there. It will pass. When it pass, it will be a good reference in your future life. You might as well laugh at it later. So, stay cool and keep praying. If that doesn't help, seek for friends and hang out with em. If it's still not making you feel good, call your closest family member and talk for hours on the phone. Release everything out. I hope you'll feel better after that.

Paranormal research found that suicidal victims often ended up as lost souls roaming around on earth repeating the sad and depressing moment over and over again. So if you think ending life puts a full stop to your problem, you may be right but you'll replay the sadness over and over again forever. That's awfully worst than striving to solve problems, so why still wanna do it? No matter how bad you think your life is, just remember that you are alive for a reason. That is to live the life that was given to you. Committing suicide is exactly the same as throwing away water when you need to drink.