Today's mass... I miss the old me.

It's the 22nd Sunday of the year 2010 and a First Holy Communion was held earlier at the SCC. All of the candidates are children and they all looked so cute in those white dresses and shirts. Nothing unusual happened, it was just a normal First Holy Communion celebration, but somehow something attacked me deep inside while I was watching the whole event. It wasn't something bad like heart attack or something holy like... I was touched by Holy Spirit kind of feeling.

It was more like a flash back of my past times when I too was receiving my very first Holy Communion together with my Confirmation. I realized how much I've changed and how lazy I become when it comes to Churches activities and stuff. Lucky that my heart is now open again to attend weekend mass after almost a year of recovering from my emotional pain and mourning over an issue. Unlike most people, I don't see Church as a place to find peace when there's a hell storm collapsing my happiness. To me, Church is a place for people to come and learn a lifetime lesson from a priest's sermon through the word of God. If I come to church when I'm unhappy, it's unlikely for me to absorb or generate lessons behind the sermon because my mind will keep thinking of the problems I'm having. Other may find peace behind the sermon but too bad that I'm not like other people.

Anyway, back to the Holy Communion thing. I receive my 1st Holy Communion together with my Confirmation when I was 15. Pretty late from my other childhood friends. I grew up in a family that doesn't make Sunday Mass a compulsory thing to attend. Therefore I didn't enroll myself in Sunday School until I was 14. I use to go to church with the neighbor kids without my parents every Sunday, and I was always jealous of them being able to receive the body of Christ. I was just in the primary school that time. I felt incomplete as a Christian to not be able to recite some prayers, attend the confession session, and not be able to receive the body of Christ like most people at the Church.

I kept the jealousy and worries to myself until I reached 13. By that time, I thought that I'm too old to not recognize what a confession is and how the body of Christ would taste like. By the time I was 13, I began to feel the desperation of wanting to enroll myself in Sunday School regardless the chance of having to sit in the same class as the 10year old children and be their laughing stock. I didn't care. I asked my mother for guidance but she too doesn't know the current protocol of how to enroll children to enter Sunday School. So, using my basic IQ, I went on with my mission and make a photocopy of every documents that I could find inside my family file; from my birth certificate, baptism certificate, my parents Church Wedding certificate and everything I could think of that might be needed during the registration. I called every female cousins I have to talk to them about becoming my penanggung too (Thanks Kakak Kilinah).

When I'm done making copies of important documents, I went to the SHC Paroki and asked about Sunday School registration opening. Unfortunately, it was in the middle of the year so there are no registration opening at that time. I didn't give up, I continue pushing, persuaded, show off some prayers recites that I know just to let them know that I'm worth to be a student even though I'm a few chapters behind. Luckily God helped me and I managed to enroll myself into Sunday School and God knows how happy I was at the time. 2 text books were required to complete the class but not a penny was wasted as I've learn everything as best as I could.

I also enrolled myself into as many Church activities I can including the Hari Belia Sedunia, Talks, Lawatan, Camps. I also bond myself with the rest of the belia by working together in poster paintings, games, decorating our beloved paroki, choir practices, memorizing songs and many other exciting activities. "Parokiku, Rumahku".... oh how I miss that moment.

It was all nostalgic and memorable and I was just 14 when I did all that. I was so proud of becoming part of the biggest Church organization in KK and I can't stop talking about it whenever I met my friends or when I'm alone with my mom and dad. I was so happy and proud to be part of the Sacred Heart Church of KK. I was part of the organization until my family decided to move to Sepangar when I was 16. It was so devastated and sad for me. Not only that I was separated away from my neighbor friends but my paroki gang as well.

Christina, Tracy, Jack, Jared, Lilian, Suzi, Robert.... so many other friends... I miss the all...

Snap!!! It was my turn to receive the body of the Christ and all my flash back are suddenly gone. I'm back to reality again to realize that I am now a 23-year old undergraduate student that is hopelessly uninvolved in my current Church activities. What a loser... but I'm happy to at least have my heart open to attend the weekend mass again.

Praise the Lord and thank you God.

Ps: I was always independent since I was young when it comes to handling important things in life. I'm glad that I still am now. :)

Comments

LadyKath said…
It's never too late, Onn.. :)

It's good that at a very young age, u were so independent & made some important decisions in ur life.

May God continues to guide ur way... Believe that everything is done in His time.. So, take ur time wisely... :)
FionaFabian said…
Kirim salam sm SCC.. hihi
Veraa said…
i miss the old me juga.. tapi saya xmo balik sama saya yg dulu..

p/s: sudah 3 tahun lebih pula kita d sini kan.. huhuhu...