It's 4 in the morning and I should really be sleeping by now, but I couldn't. I blame the chocolate drink I consumed earlier which gave me this sugar rush and caused be to be sleepless. I hope I'm gonna feel sleepy really soon because it's not healthy to practice this kind of sleeping habit, plus all of my classes for this semester starts at 8 am, but here I am facing my laptop screen after pressing the "New Post" button. So let me just type...
As sudden as the cold wind entered the window and chilled my bones, so as my conscience. I saw an old acquaintance of mine in the facebook website earlier. I have heard so much about this person and most of them aren't very good things, but who am I to judge? That person never do anything bad to me so I just leave the stories to whomever cares to judge, because I'm just too lazy to do it. This person reminds me of my past failure.
I realize that not everyone have felt or been where I went. The feeling and time I'm referring to was the moment when I get my 1st year Matriculation result. The moment when I read my result slip with "Conditional Passed" at the bottom of it. I felt crushed, useless, stupid and many other awful mixtures of feelings that made me feel completely vulnerable. Too vulnerable that I could easily commit suicide by a petty provocation and humiliation. Honestly I thought that this 'special' experience made me an invulnerable person until recently. I do not wish to share it here, not that I'm embarrassed of it. I just think that not everyone deserves to know it better than my close friends.
I have been withdrawing myself from my group of friends because that's just my way of calming the storms in my heart down. I envy those who could go clubbing or party to stay out of stress while I on the other hand, think that crowded places rise my emotional stress even greater. I prefer playing the computer games and do a heart to heart talk with my best friend to reduce my emotional pressure. My only problem during my down moment is that I find myself hard to forget the disappointment I had. Even when my friend cheer me up on good movies or have a kareoke time, at the end of the day before closing my eyes to sleep, the disappointment strikes me again and forced me to think more of it. Just like a swimmer who holds their breath under water and then later gasp for air on the water surface.
When I play the computer games or talk to my best friend, I have time to think positive and try to deal with it, but when I have fun to forget I just postpone all the worries and stress for later. People come to me and asked, "Wah! Lama nda nampak ko oh! Lama ko nda pigi church ah!"
I didn't know what to say because no matter what I said it's still just an "ALASAN". True. My problems are lame reasons for me not to attend Sunday masses. So why bother sharing when it just gonna reveal the lame and pathetic side of you? Better don't eh?
So next mission, attend Sunday masses like a normal Catholic person. I have all the time for myself, so why bother sparing some time in the house of Lord?
As sudden as the cold wind entered the window and chilled my bones, so as my conscience. I saw an old acquaintance of mine in the facebook website earlier. I have heard so much about this person and most of them aren't very good things, but who am I to judge? That person never do anything bad to me so I just leave the stories to whomever cares to judge, because I'm just too lazy to do it. This person reminds me of my past failure.
I realize that not everyone have felt or been where I went. The feeling and time I'm referring to was the moment when I get my 1st year Matriculation result. The moment when I read my result slip with "Conditional Passed" at the bottom of it. I felt crushed, useless, stupid and many other awful mixtures of feelings that made me feel completely vulnerable. Too vulnerable that I could easily commit suicide by a petty provocation and humiliation. Honestly I thought that this 'special' experience made me an invulnerable person until recently. I do not wish to share it here, not that I'm embarrassed of it. I just think that not everyone deserves to know it better than my close friends.
I have been withdrawing myself from my group of friends because that's just my way of calming the storms in my heart down. I envy those who could go clubbing or party to stay out of stress while I on the other hand, think that crowded places rise my emotional stress even greater. I prefer playing the computer games and do a heart to heart talk with my best friend to reduce my emotional pressure. My only problem during my down moment is that I find myself hard to forget the disappointment I had. Even when my friend cheer me up on good movies or have a kareoke time, at the end of the day before closing my eyes to sleep, the disappointment strikes me again and forced me to think more of it. Just like a swimmer who holds their breath under water and then later gasp for air on the water surface.
When I play the computer games or talk to my best friend, I have time to think positive and try to deal with it, but when I have fun to forget I just postpone all the worries and stress for later. People come to me and asked, "Wah! Lama nda nampak ko oh! Lama ko nda pigi church ah!"
I didn't know what to say because no matter what I said it's still just an "ALASAN". True. My problems are lame reasons for me not to attend Sunday masses. So why bother sharing when it just gonna reveal the lame and pathetic side of you? Better don't eh?
So next mission, attend Sunday masses like a normal Catholic person. I have all the time for myself, so why bother sparing some time in the house of Lord?
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