Frustrated but grateful...

There was a Radiology Protection's Test just now. I didn't requested for my paper to be marked immediately after the test because I knew I did terrible, so what I did was I wrote my objective answers on my palm, waited for him to expose the answer scheme and just check my answers while he was marking other students papers.

I won't reveal my mark here because it is something that I shouldn't do due to my low achievement, but I can tell you that it was TERRIBLE!!! How in the world could I have ever achieved such mark?! That was by far the lowest achievement I have ever accomplished under Prof. Termizi's classes!

I was mad along my way back to my room, but I couldn't say anything because... I just don't know what to say! I was too mad that I couldn't see straight! Every single beautiful thing turns ugly and I ignored my acquaintances because I don't want to greet and talk to them. I was too depressed to be friendly and polite to people.

Just as soon as I reached my room, I changed my clothes and lie down and try to put my mind up straight. Because I can't study for tomorrow's test in this kind of mood. I just can't. While I was lying down and cursing myself and everything around me, and also asking God why didn't He helped me, suddenly I felt a calm wind blew straight onto my face lightly. It's not like the fan wind, it's just something calm. After that, my heart and mind began to calm down as well.

It's like you were in a worry and ask people questions regarding to your worries, and when people answer you, it just calm you down. The difference was, the only person that was answering all my frustrated questions was someone that is deep inside of myself. It's like I have someone else inside of me that is cool and have wise point of views of everything bad that is happening with and around me.

What my disturbed emotion said and asked were,
You know I had to study for QM and kinda abandoned RP for a while, and you know I tried my best trying to understand every single thing I read about RP this morning. You also know there was nothing that I can do to avoid things that kept me from studying yesterday. So, couldn't you be so kind to at least let me score better than I did just now? It's not like I didn't try and You saw that!

What the wise person inside me replied was,
Yes. You abandoned RP and focus more on QM which made you did well on yesterday's QM test. You didn't pay that much attention to RP which has caused you to obtained little mark for the RP test, but because you tried caused you to not obtained a zero. Which is worse than your achieved mark for today's test, and you think that He is not wise enough into putting things together for you?

Wow... I feel like someone slapped me hard in the face! (TAPP!!)

I should obtained such mark because of my lack of preparation for the test, and that is the real outcome that someone like me should get!

Haaaaah!! That is such a relief! After all, the cliche about the truth heals shit is true.

The truth heals. It's denials that hurt!

Plus, the test was over so why cry for it when there's nothing you can do about it? There are two more tests to go and I'm ready to struggle for it! Like John Connor said,
"The future is not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves!"

I will fight till the end!!

Comments

mij0ohAns said…
yup.
jgn dipikir sgt mnde yg da lps..
focus on mnde yg akan dtg je..
:)
ONN said…
betul tu Mizu...
frust but what to do kan?
All the best for u on ur finals k!!
:)