Do we really know what or who we are?

When I ask you this, I didn't meant scientific. Of course, you're a human if you can read and understand this very sentence but what kind of personality do you posses as a human being?

You may look manly in that body builder muscle and charming Casanova look, but are you really a man inside? Or are you just another man on the outside and wuss on the inside? You may define your very own personality at anytime, but current surroundings often affect your self definition thus making it bias and valid only on the second you're defining yourself. What about tomorrow? Is your yesterday's self definition still valid for today and any other days to come?

This thought appeared after watching a Malay movie entitled, "Dalam Botol" earlier. It's a social education movie that I assumed was made to increase the awareness of the disadvantages of being a transsexual.

I saw the advertisement on Astro, and the preview was clear of what the movie was all about and it was quite tempting. However, the title puzzled me a bit because I didn't really get the link between a drag-queen and a bottle. Of course at that time I didn't know Ruby was already a transsexual until I watch the movie till the very end of it. If I knew, I don't think I'll even wanna watch the movie because it will be much too predictable and unworthy movie to watch.

Anyway, back to the "Dalam Botol" movie. I told you earlier that I didn't quite get the link between a bottle and a transsexual even at the end of the movie. I mean, why a bottle? Is it because he bottled in his manhood to become a woman? If so, what's the big deal? Why did Ruby or Bidin had to run away and leave his gorgeous future wife, his widowed mother and problem free life behind? Isn't that just merely selfish and insane? So what if you were a gay? There are psychotherapy institutions everywhere to help confused people nowadays. Why would a good looking guy who deserves a second chance just walked away from a life that every guy desire to have?

With this mind boggling questions, together with a handful of free-time, I tried googling for answers online. Much to my surprise that I got my first guess right. The movie was called "Dalam Botol" because the guy bottled in his manhood to become a woman for real. Yes, he literally bottled in his "penis and balls" in a bottle after undergoing an Male to Female (mtf) transgenders surgery.

"Dalam Botol" is a movie directed by Raja Azmi, and it's original title was "Anu Dalam Botol". Honestly I have no idea who Raja Azmi is. I haven't have any interest to google for her biodata or movie critics just yet. The first time I saw "Dalam Botol" preview on tv, I thought it was another one of Yasmin Ahmad's controversial movie when I remember that she passed away 2 years ago. God bless her soul. Knowing that there is another "Yasmin" like director out there, I became curiouser into knowing who made the movie and what it's all about.

Ruby or originally Bidin, thought that transforming himself into a girl is the best way for him to express himself to the public. He claimed that he is a true woman within his male body so he decided to move to the city to live his woman's life. Few weeks later, his father passed away so he went back to his village to bathe his father's body to fulfill his father's last wish. During his mourning period, he met a wonderful village woman, Dina and eventually fell for her. Before they decided to get marry, he asked Dina if she's willing to accept his one single deficiency without specifically explain what his very deficiency was. Dina replied that she's willing to accept Bidin together with his dark past and accepted the indirect marriage proposal.

However, during the wedding day, Bidin ran away from home leaving his dream life behind. It also happen to be the same day when Ghaus, Bidin's ex-boyfriend came to Bidin's house and revealed to Bidin's mother that Bidin isn't a man anymore. He brought some sort of a document together with a "bottled penis" in a sack and show both to Bidin's mother. Later on, Bidin mother realize that his son has gone from home. The movie ended with Bidin lifetime's regret and a self explanatory conclusion of Bidin's true deficiency as a man.


Back to the bottled "penis and balls", I really couldn't imagine it for real. Why? Well, because the first mtf surgery procedure I know and watched on youtube *like the ones I share above* didn't really left any remaining of penis and balls suitable to be bottled. Even if there are something that can be bottled in a transparent bottle, it would be like in small pieces of useless tissue that is skinless and pale that I doubt you would want to keep or even give it a gaze. Plus it's not like you can re-use or donate it. So this "Anu Dalam Botol" picture is probably a movie prop, right?

So, back to the original question. Do we really know who we really are? Can we really be sure that whatever we think isn't just temporary? Can we rely on it for the long term? Isn't there any way that we could come up with a decision that won't troubled us in the future and disappoint our love ones? Is it true that our friends and family knows us better than ourselves?

Omigosh... so many question... but I'm not whining ok! Just thinking...