To accept or not to accept???

I bet if I ask you, whether or not you have problem to accept people, most of you would answer "NO".

Then I ask again, "what if that person have a bad past?".

Then again most of you will still maintain your answer, "NO".

This I doubt because out of all people who think they can accept others' for what and who they are, only a number of them truly understands the exact concept of ACCEPTING PEOPLE. Others' are just in for the hot stories and gossips then end up judging that person 9 ways to Sunday.

Why am I saying this? Because I have experiences in this. Like most people with secrets in the past, I too have skeletons in my closet. I don't simply tell people about it. I will only do so when I see potential in others' of becoming my good friend. A good friend whom I'm gonna meet almost everyday and play a major part in my life. I don't go telling people my stories when I know that person ain't gonna show up often, because I am not into cheap publicity kind of stuff. It takes time for me to get myself comfortable around someone. Comfortable enough for me to trust them with my story and try to accept me later. Too bad that most of these trustees ended up judging me and what's worst, I only discover how unacceptable I am in their life after some time in a very harsh and hard way. So what I do after that? Simple, I piss off and give up hope on the so-called tight friendship bond and let it loose. I mean, why bother struggling to impress others' when they clearly doesn't like you? It's not worth it.

If they can't handle me at my worst, they surely don't deserve me at my best. *ada betol??*

I admit that I didn't have great stories to share from my past. I was a failure, jerk, infamous, dork, boring and many other un-cool description you can think of *maybe I still am now*. I also did something really bad that may rule me out of your buddies circle if revealed. Since I've entered a new phase of life for the past 4 years, I've been determined to start a new life with fresh insight/inside. So I left all the bad things behind. I can choose not to tell anyone about my bad past, but I still need someone to know so that I can reveal my point of views from the other side of me. I don't want people to rolled their eyes onto my opinion and said "Wow! Onn! Advancenya kau!"

It's embarrassing every time someone told me that. I can almost reply, "WTF? Are you really a loser or pure idiot to not have such view in that pathetic little brain of yours?"

But like I've said, I'm a new person now. So all you gonna get from me when I feel offended or embarrass is, "Well, I watched TV."

As a person who've changed, I have the urge and need to feel whole-ly accepted by my buddies circle. Not just accepted by the brand new version of me, but my past as well. So when I tell you my past, I want you to still trust me as much as you've trusted me before knowing my past. If you really are a suspicious person *which I don't blame you for*, then please ask me to stop blurting my stories with you. What's the use for me to share you my past if you cannot tolerate with it afterward? I may feel a bit awkward later, but a person such as myself will soon understand why you did it, and will feel better after sometime. Your act of ignorance and gossips thirst will just humiliate me at the end.

Sudahlah kau tau story sy, ko nda mau lagi kawan bagus2 sama sy! Pigi matilah! *Jahatnya!!*

The point I'm trying to emphasize here is, if you are a very suspicious, paranoid, dual-personalities-disorder, bad-mouthed-gossipers, b!tch, and unreliable friend. Here's an advise for you. Stay away from people who have big-dark-secrets/past because trust me, these people aren't afraid to kill you if they want to, because I know I'm not. LOL!