I'm tired of being like this.

I mean FAT.

Honestly, I've never thought of anything great in this figure. Some of my friends said, "biarlah gumuk asalkan sihat.". WTH? You are never sihat when you're gumuk! That's the fat fact. Another thing people always say to me when I'm calling myself fat, "Gumuk tapi kiut." Well, such statement maybe right if you're a 10 year old and younger. You are no longer a cute chubby once you're 13 and above. Other new fat denial word that fat people use to make themselves feel good of being fat, lady especially is PHAT which means Pretty Hot And Tempting. This to me is another denial bullshit. The last one that I know and sound pretty annoying is, "Lemak berkrim disukai ramai". I ain't a can of a concentrated milk and I hate that one the most.

I was always chubby since I enter primary school and I started to become fat when I'm entering secondary school. The moment I became an obese was when I repeated my study in KML. It was the stress and the embarrassment feelings that caused me to over eat and I have never been able to lose the gained weight since then.

For someone as over weight as I am, making the decision of starting a healthy lifestyle is always an easy thing to say, and to start the task was easy as well. The hardest part of going through a healthy lifestyle is to maintain it. I've gone through a little bit of a healthy lifestyle routine including exercising and dieting during my secondary school and it was a success. The biggest number I've lost was 13Kg in 4 months. That was by far the biggest personal achievement of dieting and exercising I've ever had.

Now I weigh 93Kg. For someone with my height and bone structure, doctor once said that my ideal weight should be 50Kg. Hmm... 43Kg to lose. That would require me to have a tight healthy schedule to lose it in time, which I set 1 year and 4 months.

What bothers me so much of starting a healthy lifestyle is the cost of buying healthy food to keep me full during the night in campus. The cost of buying almonds, apples, oranges, vitamins and food supplement, milk and vegetables is triple the cost of 1 month maggee mee supply. Then I read a strong statement that left me think so much of it, "The amount of money you use to buy healthy food and equipments are just more or less the cost you use to spend on junk food and health treatments".

After ignoring the fat fact that I need to lose weight, I have finally made a decision to cut the fat off my figure. I don't expect to have a great bikini models body, I just want to extend my life expectancy long enough to look after my siblings until I am no longer needed. To live my life with the decision, I will have to train my mind to cut the amount of food taking first before starting exercising. Well, I have 12 days before going back to the UTM. I guess I'll have to use this time to train my mind first.

I hope to lose at least 5Kg before going back for the next holiday. Of course I wanna to lose 20Kg before the next holiday but we'll see how things go around me when I'm back at the campus. Until then, wish me luck!